Marriage as a Love Story in the Midst of War

Review of

Love and War: Find Your Way to Something Beautiful in Your Marriage

By John and Stasi Eldredge

WaterBrook Press, 2011 (222 pp, $14.99, paperback)

Rating 5/5

Cover from bn.com

F

ew people have blessed Christians by their words of what it means to be a man or woman of God than authors John and Stasi Eldredge. John, author of Wild at Heart, and Stasi, author of Captivating, team up in their latest book, Love & War, to discuss the realities of Christian marriage and to offer truths they have discovered through their twenty-five years of marriage. Their primary goal is to assure the reader that marriage is indeed difficult but that it is always worth fighting for. For it is when Christian couples dedicate themselves and their marriages to God that they will truly learn to love themselves, their spouse, and others as God intended them to love.

A primary theme appears several times throughout the book:  “We live in a love story that is set in the midst of a very real war.” The love story is twofold; not only does the Bible begin with the marriage of Adam and Eve in Eden and end with the marriage of Christ in Revelation to his bride, the church, but the love story also includes us in that God is at his very essence love (1 John 4:16), that he demonstrated his love for us through his offering of his Son, Jesus Christ,  and our greatest commands in the Bible revolve around the idea of love (Luke 10:27, among others). 

The war in which this love story is set is the present spiritual war on earth as a result of sin entering the world through the sin of Adam and Eve. The Bible tells us that “the whole world lies under the control of the evil one” (1 John 5:19) and that Satan, in fact, scours the whole earth, “looking for someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8). John and Stasi effectively persuade the reader to recognize the reality of the spiritual war in which we live. We have an enemy who desires to tear apart our marriage in order to prevent the work God is doing in our lives. John and Stasi successfully detail the ways in which Satan might work against our marriages and advocate diligent, persistent prayer together as our primary weapon against Satan’s attacks.

Though the enemy attempts to infiltrate our marriages, God ultimately fulfills his purposes. As a part of a love story in the midst of war, John and Stasi argue that God created marriage to be a “living, breathing portrait laid out before the eyes of the world so that they might see the story of the ages.” That is, God uses marriage as “the image of his love for his people, and our love for him.” One of the most profound moments I experienced while reading this book was allowing this truth to sink in, to recognize that God gives marriage such an important evangelistic role (and humbly acknowledging that I had not fully appreciated it before).

Moreover, I was most moved by a section explaining how God utilizes marriage not only for evangelistic purposes, but to transform those who are married. John and Stasi write:

“God lures us into marriage through life and sex and loneliness, or simply the fact that someone finally paid attention – all those reasons that you got married in the first place. It doesn’t really matter, he’ll do whatever it takes. He lures us into marriage and then uses it to transform us” (original emphasis).

Though we may enter marriage for any number of reasons (as noble as they might seem), God will use marriage to reveal to us our brokenness and cause us to rely more on him.

Overall, John and Stasi Eldredge encourage their readers to reflect upon their marriages and to prayerfully consider the issues contained in the book with their spouse rather than relying on the ever-so-popular “follow these simple steps and experience everlasting joy now” approach. John and Stasi are extremely honest in this book, sharing many stories from their own marriage (both highs and lows). It was encouraging to read that such a successful couple also deals with difficulties in marriage (they admit to having had seriously considered divorce two times during their marriage).

Love & War is an excellent book for couples to read together to consider their own patterns of living, the way they relate to their spouse, the way they interpret their spouse’s actions, the way they think about spiritual warfare, and how they can better meet the needs of their spouse – all while seeking the Lord’s will together through their marriage. John and Stasi deliver yet another Christian classic that will encourage its readers to not merely settle for a courteous détente, but to continuously strive to strengthen and redeem their marriages in order to experience together the wild adventure God intends marriage to be.

I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.

- Reviewed by Tyler Constable

Please rank my review below so that I can continue to receive books from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group to review!

New Look!

As you may have noticed, Books (in Brief) received a makeover today, complete with a fancy new header, some additional gadgets in the sidebar, and a new page with a link to other ventures I author. Let me know what you think of the new changes and keep checking back for more reviews and news!

Comforting, Convincing Glimpse into Heaven

Review of
Heaven is for Real: A Little Boy’s Astounding Story of His Trip to Heaven and Back
By Todd Burpo with Lynn Vincent
Thomas Nelson, 2010 (163 pp, $16.99, paperback)

Rating 4/5

Cover image from heavenisforreal.net

When I first heard about this book, I was skeptical that it would (or even could) provide its readers a glimpse into Heaven. In fact, I almost refused to read it as a way of letting others know that I did not agree with the idea of God “revealing” Heaven to people today. It just seemed too prone to poor interpretation and too easy of a way to get Christians to buy a book about what Heaven is like. Yet after my wife convinced me to read this short book, I came away convinced that God gave this little boy a visit to Heaven.

The book tells the story of Colton, a four-year-old boy who nearly died from a mysterious ailment that doctors later discovered to be a ruptured appendix. It was during an emergency surgery that young Colton was taken to Heaven where he saw the throne room of God, John the Baptist, Jesus Christ, winged angels, his deceased grandfather whom he had never met, and his unborn sister.

For years after this extraordinary event, Todd Burpo, Colton’s father, collected many of the observations and experiences Colton had while he was in Heaven through conversations with Colton. What convinced Burpo that Colton’s journey was genuine was his ability to provide him with information Colton could not have known. For instance, Colton was able to tell his father exactly where he was and what he was doing during the time he was in Heaven (during his surgery). In fact, he said that the reason he was sent back from Heaven was because of his father’s emotional (and admittedly) angry prayers in that moment.

What makes the boy’s tale so convincing are the Scripturally-sound observations Colton made while in Heaven. For example, Colton was able to recall that Jesus told him that his cousin baptized him, that Jesus had a beautiful horse to ride on, the vast array of colors present in Heaven, the fantastically white appearance of Jesus’ clothes, the places where Jesus was pierced while he was crucified (which Colton described as red “markers”), and the side of God’s throne at which Jesus sits. These are all observations that would be impossible for a pre-school student to know with perfect accuracy.

I was most touched and comforted by the sections on the Burpo’s unborn child. As a parent of an unborn child myself, it was very comforting and exciting to read Colton’s account of his interactions with his unborn sister while it was heart wrenching to read about his longing to see her again. While I recognize that this book is not Scriptural, it was incredibly encouraging to read that I may be able to meet my unborn child some day in Heaven.

This book is a very quick read and can probably be completed in a sitting or two. As much as I enjoyed the content of this book, I found some chapters and sections in this book to be unnecessary and seem to have only been added in order to add pages to the book. I recommend this book to anyone looking for encouragement amidst an unbelieving world and especially for parents of miscarried or stillborn children. This book left me believing that little Colton found out first-hand that Heaven is for real.

- Reviewed by Tyler Constable

Disappointing Guide for Clueless Men

Review of

For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women

By Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn

Multnomah Books, 2006 (190 pp, $14.99, hardcover)

Rating 3/5

Following in the shadow of his wife’s wildly popular book For Women Only, Jeff Feldhahn attempts to serve as the guide for clueless men through the female brain in his book, For Men Only. This book is largely the result of a professional survey Feldhahn conducted of thousands of women nationwide during the aftermath of his wife’s popular For Women Only title. Maintaining a very relaxed, conversational tone, Feldhahn provides men with most women’s true opinions on reassurance, emotions, security, listening, sex, and beauty.

I was initially displeased with Feldhahn’s writing style; he is too conversational and tries to appeal to too broad of an audience with his incessant use of poor catchphrases. For example, to help his male readers remember his steps for listening to their wives effectively, Feldhahn enlists the baseball diamond to remind his readers to give full physical attention to their wives at first base while listening for her emotional feelings about a concern before their sprint towards home plate. It is his dedication to something I can only call “trying to be cool” that kept me from taking many of his arguments seriously, as valid as they might have been.

Once one can filter through Feldhahn’s relaxed sentences, he will discover that there are some valuable, practical pieces of advice offered in this book. I found the advice offered in the chapter on listening to be especially useful as it afforded me the opportunity to understand my wife in ways in which I never understood her before reading this book. Feldhahn’s advice to listen for the emotional problem (as opposed to the logical, practical problem men often only consider) within your wife’s stories of concern is excellent and has changed the way I listen to my wife after a long day at work.

My greatest issue with this book, however, has nothing to do with Feldhahn’s arguments, but with the publisher. This book possesses one of the most irritating layouts I have ever seen. Nearly every page contains some sort of deviation from plain text, whether by bullet point, section heading, poll result, sidebar, or (most annoyingly) block quotes. The block quotes in this book typically contain sentences read in the last ten seconds and are frankly rarely worth the 20-percent page area they assume. A simpler, more focused layout would have permitted me to take his arguments more seriously.

While the book does offer pieces of practical advice on a wide range of issues, Feldhahn (and his publishers) delivers a largely disappointing book that leaves men waiting for a title that will take a more serious, Bible-centered approach to the way women think and behave.

- Reviewed by Tyler Constable

I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.

Helpful Resource When Faced With Tough Questions

Review of

Max on Life: Answers and Insights to Your Most Important Questions

By Max Lucado

Thomas Nelson, 2010 (254 pp, $24.99, hardcover)

Rating 4/5

Prolific Christian author Max Lucado has received many questions from his readers over the past several decades. Lucado, who has written over 50 books and has been the pastor of Oak Hills Church in San Antonio, Texas since 1988, seeks to provide answers and guidance to over 170 of these questions in his newest book, Max on Life.

What impressed me about this book is the vast range of topics Lucado addresses. Drawing upon his decades of pastoral experience, Lucado grants insight into many topics ranging from issues at home (marriage issues, how best to raise children, sex, and financial and job troubles), to issues concerning the church (is baptism necessary for salvation, disagreements amongst believers, denominational differences, what to say about homosexuality), to some of the most common questions frequently asked about Christianity (why bad things happen to good people, how to manage a guilty conscience, forgiveness, why Christians sometimes act like their pagan neighbors, what happens to unbelievers when they die).

Most impressively, Lucado tackles each of these topics in a way that is very accessible to most readers, regardless of their background knowledge of Christianity. He frequently answers each question by relating the situation to a real-life anecdote or to a story from the Bible. After introducing the issue, he proceeds to offer his advice or insight into the matter, always encouraging the reader to look heavenward and into God’s Word for ultimate resolution. 

Overall, Lucado provides an excellent resource to people in ministry and to those who find themselves among people who often ask tough questions about all facets of Christian life. Lucado skillfully uses Scripture to back up his arguments and insights. The editors expertly organized this book into concise 1-2 page entries that each focus on a specific issue. The book also includes a topical and Scripture index for easy access to a specific question to which the reader seeks an answer. I highly recommend this book and believe it to be an excellent addition to the bookshelf of anyone in ministry – whether by profession or not. 

- Reviewed by Tyler Constable

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com <http://BookSneeze®.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Favorite Passages #4: Strong, Firm, and Steadfast

God has provided me with me tremendous comfort recently through this Bible verse. I trust that God will provide you comfort through this verse as well amidst the struggles you are facing.

"And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast."

- 1 Peter 5:10 (NIV)

Favorite Passages #3: Running on the Wrong Juice

“God made us: invented us as a man invents an engine. A car is made to run on petrol, and it would not run properly on anything else. Now God designed the human machine to run on Himself. He Himself is the fuel our spirits were designed to burn, or the food our spirits were designed to feed on. There is no other. That is why it is just no good asking God to make us happy in our own way without bothering about religion. God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing.

That is the key to history. Terrific energy is expended - civilizations are built up - excellent institutions devised; but each time something goes wrong. Some fatal flaw always brings the selfish and cruel people to the top and it all slides back into misery and ruin. In fact, the machine conks. It seems to start up all right and runs a few yards, and then it breaks down. They are trying to run it on the wrong juice. That is what Satan has done to us humans."

-  C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

 

Favorite Passages #2: Do It Again

The following quote is probably my favorite passage from my favorite G.K. Chesterton book, Orthodoxy.

A child kicks his legs rhythmically through excess, not absence, of life. Because children have abounding vitality, because they are in spirit fierce and free, therefore they want things repeated and unchanged. They always say, “Do it again”; and the grown-up person does it again until he is nearly dead. For grown-up people are not strong enough to exult in monotony. But perhaps God is strong enough to exult in monotony. It is possible that God says every morning, “Do it again” to the sun; and every evening, “Do it again” to the moon. It may not be automatic necessity that makes all daisies alike; it may be that God makes every daisy separately, but has never got tired of making them. It may be that He has the eternal appetite of infancy; for we have sinned and grown old, and our Father is younger than we.

- G.K. Chesterton, Orthodoxy

A Calling for Men Who Have Come Alive

Review of

Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul

By John Eldredge

Thomas Nelson, 2001 (241 pp, $14.99, paperback)

Image from bn.com

Rating 5/5

Consider how young boys spend their leisure time. They pretend to be cowboys, police officers, fire fighters, or explorers – anything that involves a sense of danger, adventure, and fighting for what is right. They experiment, take risks, push boundaries, and wear their hearts on their sleeves.

Contrast this with how adult males often behave: they are passionless, tame, mild-mannered, riskless, calculated, and bored. While many argue that life’s experiences and responsibilities have caused these traits to surface, author John Eldredge argues that it is man’s loss of his boyhood desires – “for a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue” – that has caused him to live an unfulfilled, directionless life. 

In an effort to help men become the men God created them to be, Eldredge probes deep within man’s soul to discover why men have rejected their calling, whether consciously or unconsciously. He argues that “this is every man’s deepest fear: to be exposed, to be found out, to be discovered as an imposter, and not really a man.” How a man handles this fear, for better or worse, determines how successful he is in living up to his God-given design. 

Indeed, Eldredge’s primary goal in Wild at Heart is to challenge men to discover the kind of man God desires him to be through developing an intimate relationship with God. While many of today’s Christian men have reduced “intimacy with God” to a series of formulas and doctrines, Eldredge advocates developing a deepening relationship with God by “an informal friendship,” and by giving up our tendency to control – and this is indeed a tough trait to surrender – for “God’s offer of companionship.”

For it is only through this relationship with God that men can live as God made them to live: as if life was an adventure. Eldredge laments that contemporary man resorts too often to living a calculated, comfortable life devoid of taking the leaps of faith that might ultimately lead him to finding greater fulfillment in life. He encourages men to leave the predictable and instead trek into the unknown with God serving as his guide and mentor.

Throughout this book, I found myself challenged and encouraged by nearly every chapter. Eldredge skillfully describes the desires and fears that are hidden deep within the soul of every man. While reading this book, I found myself pausing countless times to reflect upon my own experience and discovered that sometimes I need to heed Eldredge’s advice and “let people feel the weight of who you are and let them deal with it.” Sometimes I need to take a step outside of my calculated comfort zone and chase the desires and dreams that God has placed within my heart, for God has not made man to be passive, meek, and mild but forceful, strong, and brave.

I was most inspired by a quote by Gil Bailie, who shared a piece of advice from his mentor:

“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

I know so many men, even Christian men, who appear so beat down by the things of life that they are like the walking dead. What our families, our schools, our communities, and our churches really need are not nice, content guys who are dead on the inside, but men – real men – who have a fire in their heart for living out their passions and embarking on a wild journey with God.

I highly recommend this book to men who have lost the essential facet of life called adventure and to women who desire to understand not only their role in this adventure but how God has made man wild at heart.

- Reviewed by Tyler Constable

Favorite Passages #1

"The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet."

-Frederick Buechner

Wendell Berry Receives National Humanities Medal

Author Wendell Berry receiving the National Humanities Award from President Barack Obama Wednesday.

AP Photo/Charles Dharapak

One of my favorite authors, Wendell Berry, received the National Humanities Medal on Wednesday. The National Endowment for the Humanities presents the award each year to citizens who have contributed to increasing civic engagement in the humanities. President Barack Obama presented Berry with the award at a special ceremony at the White House on Wednesday that was also attended by Vice President Joe Bidden, First Lady Michelle Obama, and the heads of several federal agencies. In a statement read at the ceremony, the National Endowment for the Humanities recognized Berry for his "career exploring our relationship with the land and community." 

Other notable recipients of the award include authors Joyce Carol Oates and Philip Roth, and historian Bernard Bailyn, who has won the Pulitzer Prize twice. 

Read more on this story at The Courier-Journal (Kentucky) and The Washington Post.

A Christian Perspective on Our Overstimulated Culture

Review of

Still Bored in a Culture of Entertainment: Rediscovering Passion & Wonder

By Richard Winter

InterVarsity Press, 2002 (160 pp, $16.00, paperback)

Image from bn.com

Rating 3.5 / 5

In a world thoroughly permeated with entertainment sources such as iPads, netbooks, Blackberry phones, television programs, and the Internet, psychiatrist Richard Winter argues that we are a culture more bored than ever. 

Winter describes the prevalence of boredom in today’s culture by describing how we are constantly engrossed in entertainment, from electronic games and television to the Internet and the joys of consumerism. As a result of constantly being immersed in various forms of entertainment, we have become not content but dissatisfied with our lives, always seeking new distractions and more extreme and risky methods of satiating our discontent.

Our incessant saturation with entertainment ultimately leads to what Winter calls a “deadness of the soul”, an overpowering feeling of indifference and callousness towards life. Winter then traces the concept of boredom from medieval times through today’s postmodern era. 

After a survey of the causes and consequences of boredom, Winter finally offers practical advice for thriving in a bored world, including remembering the big picture, finding delight in the simple things of life, and practicing “active engagement” as opposed to slothfully expecting to be relieved of boredom. Winter, a Christian, also argues that victory over boredom can be found in seeking God and reflecting upon his character, his creation, and resting in the fact that we are not made to find ultimate contentment in anything this side of heaven except in our relationship to God.

While I appreciated Winter’s thorough study of the causes of boredom, I admit that I became, well, bored with this book. I started to read this book three times before I was finally able to plow through its entire contents. I found much of the first half of the book when Winter describes the prevalence of boredom and its immediate emotional consequences to be very repetitive (a characteristic Winter himself argues might cause boredom). 

However, upon reaching the halfway-point of the book, Winter does a quality job of tracing the history of boredom through time and excellently describing its effect on spirituality. I especially found his exploration of the topic of being bored with or numbed towards God especially interesting as it touched upon emotions with which I have coped.

Overall, I recommend this book to anyone who does not understand that our culture is too obsessed with entertainment, and that we are worse off for it. This book would also be interesting to anyone who finds themselves wondering “is that all?” or to those who could use some encouragement that our ultimate sense of contentment in this world is found not in our sources of entertainment, but in God alone.

Reviewed by Tyler Constable