Disappointing Guide for Clueless Men

Review of

For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women

By Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn

Multnomah Books, 2006 (190 pp, $14.99, hardcover)

Rating 3/5

Following in the shadow of his wife’s wildly popular book For Women Only, Jeff Feldhahn attempts to serve as the guide for clueless men through the female brain in his book, For Men Only. This book is largely the result of a professional survey Feldhahn conducted of thousands of women nationwide during the aftermath of his wife’s popular For Women Only title. Maintaining a very relaxed, conversational tone, Feldhahn provides men with most women’s true opinions on reassurance, emotions, security, listening, sex, and beauty.

I was initially displeased with Feldhahn’s writing style; he is too conversational and tries to appeal to too broad of an audience with his incessant use of poor catchphrases. For example, to help his male readers remember his steps for listening to their wives effectively, Feldhahn enlists the baseball diamond to remind his readers to give full physical attention to their wives at first base while listening for her emotional feelings about a concern before their sprint towards home plate. It is his dedication to something I can only call “trying to be cool” that kept me from taking many of his arguments seriously, as valid as they might have been.

Once one can filter through Feldhahn’s relaxed sentences, he will discover that there are some valuable, practical pieces of advice offered in this book. I found the advice offered in the chapter on listening to be especially useful as it afforded me the opportunity to understand my wife in ways in which I never understood her before reading this book. Feldhahn’s advice to listen for the emotional problem (as opposed to the logical, practical problem men often only consider) within your wife’s stories of concern is excellent and has changed the way I listen to my wife after a long day at work.

My greatest issue with this book, however, has nothing to do with Feldhahn’s arguments, but with the publisher. This book possesses one of the most irritating layouts I have ever seen. Nearly every page contains some sort of deviation from plain text, whether by bullet point, section heading, poll result, sidebar, or (most annoyingly) block quotes. The block quotes in this book typically contain sentences read in the last ten seconds and are frankly rarely worth the 20-percent page area they assume. A simpler, more focused layout would have permitted me to take his arguments more seriously.

While the book does offer pieces of practical advice on a wide range of issues, Feldhahn (and his publishers) delivers a largely disappointing book that leaves men waiting for a title that will take a more serious, Bible-centered approach to the way women think and behave.

- Reviewed by Tyler Constable

I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.

A Calling for Men Who Have Come Alive

Review of

Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul

By John Eldredge

Thomas Nelson, 2001 (241 pp, $14.99, paperback)

Image from bn.com

Rating 5/5

Consider how young boys spend their leisure time. They pretend to be cowboys, police officers, fire fighters, or explorers – anything that involves a sense of danger, adventure, and fighting for what is right. They experiment, take risks, push boundaries, and wear their hearts on their sleeves.

Contrast this with how adult males often behave: they are passionless, tame, mild-mannered, riskless, calculated, and bored. While many argue that life’s experiences and responsibilities have caused these traits to surface, author John Eldredge argues that it is man’s loss of his boyhood desires – “for a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue” – that has caused him to live an unfulfilled, directionless life. 

In an effort to help men become the men God created them to be, Eldredge probes deep within man’s soul to discover why men have rejected their calling, whether consciously or unconsciously. He argues that “this is every man’s deepest fear: to be exposed, to be found out, to be discovered as an imposter, and not really a man.” How a man handles this fear, for better or worse, determines how successful he is in living up to his God-given design. 

Indeed, Eldredge’s primary goal in Wild at Heart is to challenge men to discover the kind of man God desires him to be through developing an intimate relationship with God. While many of today’s Christian men have reduced “intimacy with God” to a series of formulas and doctrines, Eldredge advocates developing a deepening relationship with God by “an informal friendship,” and by giving up our tendency to control – and this is indeed a tough trait to surrender – for “God’s offer of companionship.”

For it is only through this relationship with God that men can live as God made them to live: as if life was an adventure. Eldredge laments that contemporary man resorts too often to living a calculated, comfortable life devoid of taking the leaps of faith that might ultimately lead him to finding greater fulfillment in life. He encourages men to leave the predictable and instead trek into the unknown with God serving as his guide and mentor.

Throughout this book, I found myself challenged and encouraged by nearly every chapter. Eldredge skillfully describes the desires and fears that are hidden deep within the soul of every man. While reading this book, I found myself pausing countless times to reflect upon my own experience and discovered that sometimes I need to heed Eldredge’s advice and “let people feel the weight of who you are and let them deal with it.” Sometimes I need to take a step outside of my calculated comfort zone and chase the desires and dreams that God has placed within my heart, for God has not made man to be passive, meek, and mild but forceful, strong, and brave.

I was most inspired by a quote by Gil Bailie, who shared a piece of advice from his mentor:

“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

I know so many men, even Christian men, who appear so beat down by the things of life that they are like the walking dead. What our families, our schools, our communities, and our churches really need are not nice, content guys who are dead on the inside, but men – real men – who have a fire in their heart for living out their passions and embarking on a wild journey with God.

I highly recommend this book to men who have lost the essential facet of life called adventure and to women who desire to understand not only their role in this adventure but how God has made man wild at heart.

- Reviewed by Tyler Constable